QUOTATIONS ARE A SOURCE OF INSPIRATION IN MY WORK & MY LIFE

I tend to use quotations in my work, particularly during speaking engagements. They give me tremendous inspiration and focus throughout my working week. Here is a selection quotes, many of them well known to all: 

This is central to all of my work, and indeed my life: 
'A man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks, he becomes.' 
Mahatma Gandhi



In personal development it is not the aim to add anything, rather, the challenge is in removing the layers of social conditioning laid down throughout our lives.

'People do not change, they are merely revealed.'
Anne Enright (Irish author)

Lasting change must come from within. We have to take ownership of the changes we make otherwise they will not stick:

'Make sure what you do is a product of your own conclusion.' 
Jim Rohn 

There's no better template for successful coaching:

'Human behaviour flows from three main sources: desire, emotion & knowledge.' 
Plato

Wonderful words from one of the writers who have inspired modern mindfulness:
'If one advances confidently in the direction of their dreams, & endeavours to live the life they have imagined, they will meet with a success unexpected.'
Henry David Thoreau

And there is nothing that will fritter away our time like wishful thinking:

'The goal is everything. If we do not have a target, how do we know what to aim at?


A goal without a plan is just a wish.'
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

A client of mine recently mentioned that she could only make changes in baby steps. It's not the pace that's important, rather, maintaining forward momentum is the real key. The pace of change must always suit each individual.



'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.'
Lao Tzu


Living acording to our individual core values is vital if we are to achieve true fulfilment and the happiness that comes with it.
:

'Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values.' 
Ayn Rand, Writer


Our creative capacity, which is within us all in our own individual form, helps to define our humanity:

'Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.'
Ida Scott Taylor


To rid ourselves of negative judgment is a tremendous step towards positivity

:

'Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and right doing there is a field. I will meet you there.' 
Rumi

These following two quotes inspire with their beauty, strength & compassion:

'The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.'
Helen Keller

'I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.'
Martin Luther King

The final two are my favourites. Simple logic combined with gentle &, yet at the same time, relentless determination
'If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?' 
Hillel

'First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win.' Mahatma Gandhi

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

CORE VALUES - YOUR ROAD MAP TO PERSONAL FULFILMENT

We so often disregard or ignore our core values, that is, if we are aware of them at all. Yet the fact remains that they lie at the heart of whether or not we can ever feel happy and fulfilled in our lives.

These values are the essence of us – in the most profound sense they are what make us tick. That is why, when reflecting on our values we need to take time and think very carefully because they provide us with the compass to our happiness in business, our families, our recreation – in every aspect of our lives.

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are

Roy Disney (1893 - 1971)

Simply stated, if what we think, how we behave and the choices we make, are not compatible with our core vales, we cannot be happy – it’s just not possible. The alternative is we will make do and live in a state of perpetual compromise. Within us, however, there will be a dissonance and an emotonal fault line that will trace a path between the way we live on one side and our natural and harmonious state on the other.

Of course, in this life, we have to make compromises but there is a direct correlation between how well our lives fit with our core values and how happy and fulfilled we feel. The same is true in the workplace. Our core values and those of our employer must also be compatible. It is in the interest of business owners to ensure that the values of the business and those of their employees can dovetail, to a greater or lesser extent because if they do not there will be a high instance of staff turnover, absenteeism & disaffection.

So often in these tough economic times people have to accept jobs when they can find them with the consequent strain that this can put on every aspect of their lives. This does not mean, however, that we should not at least plan and begin to work towards changing our lives to a point where we can feel the fulfilment and happiness we deserve. If we take the time to acquaint ourselves with our core values we will at least be able to understand the direction our heart and soul wishes us to travel - we will comprehend fully who we really are beneath the decades of social conditioning - and make a reality the person we were always destined to become.

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

MEDITATION IN BUSINESS: IT WORKS!

In a frenetic, noisy and obsessive world, the ability to disengaging from the hurly burly can prove invaluable, most particularly when we are trying to find inspiration to fire our inner motivation. In my own experience I found that the ability to be able to step back and observe events in the moment, with a certain detachment from negative emotions, is as potent a skill, especially in business. 

Meditation comes in many forms and is not the intention to discuss here techniques or philosophies: there is bountiful information on this subject both online and in print - the important thing is to cast off preconceptions and take a look.

At a bare minimum, meditation it can have very straightforward applications for the busiest of schedules, in fact the busier and more stressful life gets, the more essential it is to develop such skills. This fact has been embraced by a number of corporations including Apple, Google, Nike and HBO to name but a few.

SO, WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS THAT MEDITATION CAN OFFER? 

THE MONKEY MIND

We all experience this: the incessant inner dialogue that occupies our minds for much of our day - a constant flow of thoughts tumbling like lottery balls, with no beginning, middle or end. So how can our thought process, so congested, be expected to work effectively for us? Surely, if we are able to quieten the chatter there can be greater benefits for us than allowing it to carry on. 
     Even a brief period of contemplation each day is a good start – it’s just a matter of engaging with the present moment when time is set aside for being alone with ourselves. Like all skills, excluding all unnecessary thoughts does take practice, but in learning to do so benefits can be felt from the beginning. Of course the relaxation can be reward enough but there’s far more than that:

CLARITY

With a calm and uncluttered mind comes clarity and with it determination, as we see what needs to be done whether we are beginning to set goals or in need of reinforcing our resolve after a difficult day. When we tame the internal chatter we find, in its place, calm and simplicity - what better state is there for making good decisions?

FOCUS

With the mind thus soothed we will also find it far less likely that we shall be knocked off our course by distractions. We refocus on the priorities and goals we set ourselves. We can rediscover those emotions that inspired us when we first decided upon a course of action and so launch ourselves, refreshed, into making a reality of our dreams.

CONTROL

We take control of our thoughts because if we do not do it then someone else will try do it for us abdicating our free will, albeit subconsciously, and following the agenda of others. Alternatively we drift on autopilot leaving our most important decisions to instincts, emotions, and learned reactions. If our own hands are on the steering wheel, however, we can be sure of our ideas, as our thoughts are stripped back to their bare essentials. There is no waste, just the burning desire to carry through the goals we have set.

CONNECTION

Meditation connects us directly to the very core of ourselves, our essence - in other words, the things that really make us tick. Nothing is more important as we cannot be truly happy or feel fulfilment if we are not at one with our core values.

And regular meditation can do all this? Of course not, but it helps us to do it. All meditation does is give us the choices, and in this life, clear choice is a precious resource available to us all, we just have to 'dig' a little.

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

THE STAYING POWER OF INNER MOTIVATION

In the first of two blogs I shall be discussing the nature of, and the need for, inner motivation. In the second piece I shall detail some straightforward things we can do on a daily basis to help us generate and sustain it where it matters - from our core.

As with all change be it in our thinking, our actions, our behaviour, and our habits, it all originates and is sustained from within ourselves - and from nowhere else. The same is true, therefore, of motivation be it in business or in our private lives.

Motivation begins with a thought, a desire for achievement. Achievement, that is, on any scale: it does not have to be an Olympic gold. Whatever it is, we have to want it badly enough to push ourselves on, to question our own norms, and to move towards preset goals instead of waiting for our lives to simply ‘happen’. Ultimately there is nowhere to hide. It comes down to how badly we want it so, if it is not already the case, now is the time to take responsibility and to take control.

When reaching out to achieve a goal, depending on what it is, we can sometimes find obstacles in our path there may be times when we ask ourselves, wouldn’t it be easier to compromise our goal? Wouldn’t it be simpler to lower my expectations of myself? These are the times when we feel ‘on the anvil’ and it’s right here where our inner motivation really comes to the fore.

While the motivation must be ours, we can gain inspiration from any number of sources: friends, family, famous figures; stories of hardships overcome; a novel; the list is endless. Inspiration can help us to fire our motivation, but it cannot be anything more than an occasional boost – it is from far deeper within us that we find the real power to realize our desires. 

It is for each one of use to throw down the gauntlet at our own feet. With our goal well set we can rise to our own challenge, remain focused - reinforced in our motivation to finish what we started. In that way, if our path appears blocked by an obstacle, our initial and only reaction is in deciding whether we go around it, under it, over it, or straight through it. Basically, we’re not stopping for anything!

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

GIVE FORM TO DREAMS: SET GOALS

It is simple: regardless of whether you use a coach or not, it is essential in every aspect of life to formally set goals and then to set about achieving them. After all, if we do not have targets how do we know where to aim?

A GOAL, WELL SET, CAN SHIFT A LIFE!

One of the key elements of my work is to help and inspire people to set their goals: their own personal visions of how they would like their lives to be. This is not always straightforward because so few people are accustomed to formulating and giving voice to their heartfelt ambitions. I emphasise ‘heartfelt’ because it is essential that a goal comes from deep expression in order that it be truly inspirational. It can sometimes prove challenging to formulate a goal in this way, but as soon as the right words are uttered, there is no doubt – they hit the mark. This process is often every bit as moving for me as for the people I work with - what an honour!

A GOAL TO INSPIRE THE BEST WE CAN GIVE

If someone wishes to realise their deepest desires a goal needs to stir positive emotions, heighten the senses, and fire enthusiasm. I encourage people to say it, write it, have it on their mobile, on their screen saver etc. anywhere it can be seen regularly and it must powerful enough to inspire them each & every time they read it.

DECADES OF CONDITIONING CANNOT BE OVERTURNED IN A FEW WEEKS...

The goal, however, has to be both challenging and realistic. Decades of conditioning cannot be overturned in a few weeks. But such dreams, verbally expressed, become an affirmation to back up intentions and actions. The goal is no vague wish list of what we would like to do – it is what is going to happen!

  

“Endeavour to live the life which we have imagined”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

FINDING INSPIRATION

A question I am often asked is why, after almost thirty years as a sales executive, I became a life coach. I am delighted to say that the impulses and desires that helped me on this path have not only been fulfilled but have long since been surpassed, and I find my motivations encouraging me to new horizons with every day that passes. I knew I wanted to find fulfilment (doesn’t everyone?) however, none of my preconceptions or expectations (so often a recipe for disappointment) came close to what happened next.

What better place to find beauty and inspiration
in equal measure than in Philip's Wood in May? 

While I was expecting excitement I was not prepared for the breath-taking exhilaration that comes with every session. I am speaking of the moment when someone in search of answers and change understands that they already possess everything they need in order to reach their goals; and the realisation that their dreams are achievable and all they need to do is to reach out and touch them. 

I thought that the work might, at times, be uplifting but I could not imagine just how inspired I would be by people’s desire to move outside of their routine and try something completely new. The courage that many summon up to take, what are for them, difficult personal decisions and see them through, leaves me in awe.

Most of all I am humbled by the trust that is placed with me and in me each and every time people choose to invite me into their lives. I regard it as a precious gift and deem it a privilege to be bestowed with such responsibility. The only thing I am able to offer in return is my burning desire to see them reach their goals and to help make their visions their reality.

In coaching I have already been so richly rewarded both personally and professionally not least because it has enabled me to be completely myself – to open my heart and give space to the energy, the thoughts, and the words I share with people as our pathways cross. Although I did not know it at the time, in setting out to be a life coach I was in search of beauty and peace, and in helping others to reveal it in their own lives I quickly found it in my own.

Gratitude is the memory of the heart. 

Jean Baptiste Massieu

Alan Keyse
keysforliving.org
email Alan
Introductory Video

THE STRENGTH IN PATIENCE

Is patience still a virtue? A glance at one day in a life of our digital age and one would say not.  We are given to believe that everything we should ever want or need is one click away. When the instant age lets us down or we have to wait or queue for something we expected to be immediate, our disappointment becomes a fertile ground for negative emotions: at the petrol station; in the supermarket; checking in; checking out; waiting for a free table; running through a large corporation's labyrinthine telephone menu (my particular favourite).

Patience is often regarded as 'off the pace' - a waste of time when we should be out there making things happen. The sort of patience I refer to, however, comes hand in glove with persistence and no small amount of willpower. It does not mean inaction or watching and waiting but, instead, gradual and relentless action: it does not lose it’s focus; it will not stop for setbacks; it will not allow itself to be distracted by, so called, easy solutions.

We can manage our own evolution by taking one small but positive step every day: going for a walk; making a point of smiling at shop assistants and bank workers; avoiding using bad language; having a little quiet quality time with loved ones free of TVs and computers; the list is endless. To achieve our goals it’s not a prerequisite to take giant leaps, or to turn lives upside down. Change can be gradual: it evolves, and as such is more natural and, most importantly, it will stick!

If we practice thinking in new ways often enough, we can alter our lives - quick fixes and short term enthusiasm can only lead to short lived benefits, disappointment & regression. Evolution is the key to real behaviour change and such a process replicates how we take on bad habits. So in the same way positive changes can ‘take’ and become our new habits. What took decades to condition our lives cannot be put right in weeks but real beginning can be made - in bite size pieces....buon appetito!

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STEPPING BACK FROM THE CHAOS - TIME WELL SPENT

I was fascinated to read among one of the online news feeds, that on a beach in Marbella a celebrity had unveiled her ‘new body’ as though she were the latest design from BMW. Doesn't the media realise that it is the same body she’s had all along? Of course it does, but where’s the interest in that? 

Neither is the media interested in the fact that there will be thousands of young women who, on reading such items and seeing the images, will yearn for their own ‘new body’. Furthermore there are many who will either damage themselves in order to get one, or will abandon any hope of ever being able to achieve what is touted as perfection, and abandon any care for themselves all together. 

We live in an age where our self identity and self esteem are under constant assault from a torrent of images and messages be it print media, TV, films, advertising, the Web etc. They are all preoccupied with trying to channel us to the conclusion that we are deficient in some way or other (the good news being, of course, that there is a product out there we can buy that can help). We cannot expect the media to suddenly acknowledge that any connection exists between power and responsibility, nor should we hold our breath waiting for leaders in government and industry to point it out to them. We are on our own and as such need to take responsibility for our actions and reactions.

It has never been more important for us to disengage periodically from the heaving fairground that has become modern existence and to reconnect with our core values, with a sense of our value as human beings, and with ourselves. If we take time each day, even just five minutes, to sit quietly and in solitude, and be aware of our simple needs, our fundamental desires, and our innate worth, it will go a long way to help keep our minds calm amongst the chaos. It also implants a powerful message within ourselves that we can be in control of our thinking even during our busiest days. 

Like anything else, the more we do it, the more benefit we will feel. It’s only a small step, but isn’t that how all journeys begin?

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

ABOLISHING NEGATIVE CRITICISM: THE BENEFITS

I believe that our greatest resource is our mental energy. As powerful as this can be, however, it can be seriously undermined if we allow ourselves to slip into patterns of negative thinking. 

One of the most common forms of this is indulging in the negative criticism of others be it in our private lives or at work. This is not to be confused with the positive feedback essential to correct or improve performance in the workplace or behaviour at home. 

WE ARE DIMINISHED BY THIS NEGATIVITY

1. The inbuilt negativity that comes with criticism is not conducive to building a positive environment within which to live and work. So often we can hardly realize we are doing it at all and in this way negativity seeps into our lives almost undetected.
2. If we criticize then we are judging from a self appointed position of superiority. This is not constructive either for ourselves or those on the receiving end. Of course once we have so judged someone then, of course, comes the sentence as well.
3. If we waste our time (aka our life) concerning ourselves with the deficiencies of others, we can be distracted from dealing with the challenges facing us and our own issues can go unaddressed.
4. Very often we may snipe at others because we are being defensive about something troubling us, therefore, we are building ourselves up by dismantling someone else.
5. From a more profound perspective criticism of this kind actually diminishes us and saps our mental energy although we may never even realize this is happening

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?

1. The act of criticizing others exposes a weakness in ourselves so if we can identify what it is, it gives a good indicator of what we need to be dealing with. In any environment, identifying a weakness is the first step in the process of building strength.  
2. One of the inherent weaknesses of negative thinking is that it dos not thrive under scrutiny. The important thing is to realize such thoughts are there in the first place. Once identified we can do something about them by calmly and quietly observing the thoughts, the emotions, the physical sensations associated with such negativity.
3. It is important that this observation does not become self-criticism which is just as negative and unhelpful as criticizing others. Observation is a positive act designed to address issues we face and put us in far greater control of our own thought process.
4. Once negative thinking is weakened, positivity, and constructive ideas can take over the space we have created. Instead of criticism there will be understanding and the more we understand others, the better placed we are to influence our relationships for the good.

  

Of course, in business and our private lives we need to make judgments constantly, however, if we are able to replace negative emotions with reason and understanding it can only enhance our clarity of thought, how were select our choices and our decision making. It has taken decades of conditioning to fashion the way we think. Like any skill, observing and taking control of ones thinking can be learnt with practice, vigilance and patience.  

Ultimately this is all about reclaiming control of our thought process by clearing away negativity and useless unproductive thinking. In this way we can concentrate on improving ourselves, influencing for the good the space around us, and to the benefit of family, friends, and colleagues alike.

Alan Keyse
www.keysforliving.org
info@keysforliving.org

CONFLICT AT WORK: CAN YOU SEE IT COMING? (Part 1)

Serious disagreement and disaffection between colleagues in the workplace is a huge drain on businesses, which can ill afford the distraction. Strife and the stress and unhappiness that come with it can affect productivity, cause absenteeism and increase staff turnover. 

While human behaviour is complex, most particularly when under stress, the same trends and themes are often repeated and understanding these and the dynamics involved is half the battle when seeking to neutralise and resolve conflict. By upping their Emotional Intelligence skill-set managers become more proficient at spotting the early warning signals, and are far better placed to anticipate and then influence what happens next. 


Among the most common causes of conflict are:

IGNORANCE

We often draw conclusions about people within moments of meeting them, or even just seeing them across the office – this is the ‘first impression’ trap . Once in place such preconceptions can condition our views of what others do and say from then on. We should therefore take time to find out more about those around us, or at least be aware of not forming our opinions before we have had the chance to do so.

MISUNDERSTANDINGS 

Do we ever get the wrong end of the stick? Of course we do. The best way of avoiding this is, of course, communication - there is no better antidote to adjusting a negative impression of someone than simply filling in the blanks.

FRUSTRATIONS & IRRITATIONS

Often these are born of ignorance and misunderstanding but also the baggage people take to work can have a huge effect as exterior problems may spill over at the office. This is not excusing ill manners or bad behaviour but if we begin to understand the causes of someone’s behaviour it could at least change our reactions for the better.

FEELING THREATENED

This is about our territory, and our desire to protect what we have or what we should like to have. If we feel threatened we are unlikely to be at our most reasonable or generous, and in such a frame of mind it is a short step from a colleague being perceived as a rival to them being seen as an enemy. Once this point is reached it is hardly surprising that relations can deteriorate very badly.

DEFENSIVENESS

When we are on our guard we are alerted to anything we interpret as challenging or threatening in nature – at this point we perceive both as one the same thing which can then lead to the next issue.

INTRANSIGENCE

A form of social myopia obscuring a wider picture can develop, as we do not want to be seen to be giving ground. Our opinions become beliefs and therefore part of us so it can be very easy to slip into taking challenges very personally. So often when we 'believe' something it becomes regarded by us as the ‘truth’. It is ingrained in us to defend what we believe to be the truth, to be just, to be right. Of course there are very clear-cut instances of right and wrong, truth & falsehood; in human relations, however, things are rarely so straightforward.

So there are just some of the elements that can contribute to a dynamic of conflict at work. In Part Two of this blog we look ways in which resolution between individuals can be found, and balance in the workplace restored. After all, with success in business not getting any easier why allow preventable problems from dictating the office agenda?

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

ACCEPTANCE: THE KEY TO A FRESH START

‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

the courage to change the things I can, 

and the wisdom to know the difference.’

Reinhold Niebuhr, 20th Century American Theologian

Whether working with private coaching clients or with business executives, in order to create momentum towards positive and lasting change, there is a crucial ingredient that must be present: ACCEPTANCE. 

This has nothing to do with striving for external approval but refers to accepting, without judgment, what has already taken place up to the present moment, and that the situation as it exists right now is what it is. This sounds rather obvious but on reflection it's a harder concept than one would suppose.

The past is not a matter of history but began a second ago: that moment, and all those that went before it are now gone. If we are really serious about wanting to affect real change it’s the ‘what happens now?’ that counts. The benefits of ‘what happens now?’ can be so much greater if we are not chained to issues from our past, be it recent or distant. It is just not possible to build positive change on negative foundations.  

This does not mean brushing aside the consequences of past actions or ignoring commitments and responsibilities. It signifies understanding more about ourselves; the events in our lives; and being able to view what has occurred in the past with calmness and wisdom. This puts us in a much stronger position when it comes to deciding on the most important thing - what happens now.

By dwelling in the past, we retain many negative emotions:

- irritation with things that may have been said
- regret at things not achieved
- frustrations and anger for opportunities missed
- destructive guilt and shame 

We shall not dwell on the importance of self-forgiveness here, as that subject alone requires a good deal of time. Suffice to say that any of these negative and destructive emotions can thwart the forward momentum we seek. Overcoming the inertia created by so much extra baggage can be daunting and can even put us off from setting out on a new journey altogether.

Once we are able to embrace acceptance, that’s when things start to get exciting. It is in that same moment, that very moment, that we can begin to effect change. The simple act of understanding our past is the first and most important step. We permit ourselves to think and act unfettered by yesterday's emotional baggage which in turn allows us to meet challenges with clarity - focusing on our hopes, our desires and our passions.

     We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called opportunity and it’s first chapter is today*

Edith Lovejoy Pierce, English Peace Activist & Poet

* I have taken a minor liberty – the original quote refers to New Years Day.

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

ALAN KEYSE
keysforliving.org
E-mail Alan